Currently 21 By Adele Set Fire to the Rain see related

Some Technological Stuff That Will Probably Bore You...

Today is the big SOPA/PIPA strike. A bunch of high-profile websites, like Wikipedia, Google, and Amazon have either blacked out their site completely or have some mention as to why the bills are dangerous. I've already emailed my representatives, and today I blacked out my Facebook profile picture with a link to the Fight For The Future website. I think the thing I like least about these bills is the direction that they take our country. This is just another measure that increases the government's power and makes the citizens of the United States of America more helpless. Also, I love the internets, and I don't want them all messed up by clueless politicians! So, if you happen to stumble upon this blog today, write/call/email/visit your representatives and tell them that you oppose SOPA/PIPA!

Lately I've been reading a lot of articles and blog posts by a professor at the U, Matt Might. I looked through all of the faculty when I decided to pursue a second bachelor's in computer science and he was one of the professors that stood out to me. For one thing, he graduated from GA Tech, and I'm from Georgia! But also, his research interests look pretty... well, interesting! Since I've only been allowed to take one class each semester this first year, I've had a lot of free time, and I spend part of that time looking at all of the CS class websites that are accessible online. For instance, I worked through a lot of the assignments from Peter Jensen's CS 2420, so I'd be prepared to take it this semester. I also worked through a lot of Matt Flatt's assignments for CS 1410, but racket... is not my thing (although I may give it or Lisp another shot in the future). So, Matt Might's classes are accessible online too! I started reading through all of the classes he has up on his site, and the first one (Scripting Language Design and Implementation) sounds really neat! Part of the class involves learning a new programming language every week or two over the span of the entire semester! That's a lot of programming languages! And I was looking at the assignments and they sounds like the kind of stuff I've been itching to do! (small programs intended for learning are all well and good, but I've been wanting to do something more practical and more like what a real programming does) I've already done something similar to one of the projects (Apply rot13 encoding/decoding to standard in). It was one of the first projects that I did on my own while teaching myself Python, and it took a message and applied a ROT47 conversion to either encode an English message, or decode one that had already been encoded through my program. Unfortunately, this is a special topics class, so it's not offered consistently. I think I'm going to email Dr. Might later and ask him if he plans on offering this class again in the two years that I'll be in school.

After I looked over that course description, I read an article that Dr. Might wrote about advanced programming languages. Between all of the languages in the class, and the ones in the article I started feeling a little overwhelmed... there are SO many languages out there! I'd rather learn a few really well than know a bunch of them at a shallow level... I feel like I know Python and C++ pretty well, but now I'm learning Java, and I feel like I'm starting to forget Python... and Java has SO much functionality! Like, if you can think of something you want to implement, Java probably already has a library to do it! And I feel like I'll never know it all! Which may be true, but I want to be an expert in at least one thing... I guess I just need to focus on Java for now, and worry about all of the other languages later.

Currently Fiddler on The Roof Tradition see related

Tradition versus Non-conformity (in the realm of holidays and weddings)

In general I'd say I'm non-conformist. I don't just do whatever society likes to do, but I also don't just do the opposite of whatever society likes to do. I usually look at what is mainstream and try to decide for myself whether I like it or not. And even though I'm going to end up doing the same thing as other people either way (non-conformists may be a minority, but they're still a group) I do think that I tend to give more weight to a minority opinion. For instance, I feel disdain towards television, and avoid watching it whenever possible. This is mainly because it's such a time sink and I have better things to do and also because I think most of what's on tv is trash anyways (I might still watch it if there was more educational programming and less reality tv). But it helps that it's not the most common position. Many people I know (including my own family) sit around the tv for hours in the evening instead of interacting, reading, or anything else actually worth doing.

However, I LOVE traditions! Particularly holiday traditions, but really anything will do. For instance, I plan on designating Friday or Saturday nights for family gaming and music once I have a family of my own. I really relish the thought of coming home from work and cooking together while someone (husband?) plays guitar and we all sing together. And then after dinner we can play board games (or maybe even video games) together! I think that would be a great tradition for encouraging family togetherness! :)

And when it come to Christmas, hoo boy! I want to have the Friday after Thanksgiving be a holiday kickoff day! On which my family will listen to Christmas songs, and bake cookies, and decorate the house and Christmas tree! :D

But then, when it comes to engagement and weddings, I want nothing to do with the traditional... for one thing, I hate diamonds. I've heard that a man is suppose to pay 3 months of salary for an engagement ring. That's ridiculous. Shiny rocks are not worth that. Also, it's not personal... and they're overrated. I may be making post facto arguments, but whatever... I don't want a diamond ring. I've thought alternatives, like cheap rings out of vending machines, wooden rings, or even ring pops, but I haven't reached any conclusions.

And then there's the wedding... Apparently, the average American wedding costs somewhere between $20-30,000. That's enough for me to get a FOURTH degree, or to buy a new car! I think that's completely ridiculous! First of all, there are so many things that I'd rather spend that amount of money on, and second of all, I don't like many of the wedding traditions anyway. 
Big fancy, white dress? At the moment, I don't want to look like a princess/celebrity, and I like blue! And there is NO WAY IN HELL! That I will be spending upwards of one thousand dollars on a dress I'm going to wear once. I don't even want to pay more than $200, but I don't know how reasonable that is.
Big fancy, five-tiered cake? I don't mind the idea of a nice cake, but I can't justify spending hundreds on dollars on one.
Two other cakes in addition to the first? Seems unnecessary. The groom's cake would probably have something to do with Zelda in my case, and that's cool. But why can't we just have one cake that is Zelda themed? Why do we even need a cake in the first place?!
And while I'm on the topic of cakes, I do not like the tradition of rubbing cake in your new spouse's face when you're supposed to be feeding each other a bite!
Open bar? I don't like alcohol in general. I plan on being pretty adamant about a dry wedding, but I have a feeling I'm going to be overruled by stubborn relatives
DJ? I don't want people grinding to hip-hop music. I'd much rather have something more traditional, like a string quartet, or a big band... although I'm sure a big band would still be pretty costly.
Food? I'm not going to be able to get around feeding my wedding guests... so this will probably be the second or third most costly I'll have to pay for. (behind plane tickets to New Zealand (I'm hoping for a destination wedding, although I'm not dead set on one) and hotel rooms/reception location rental)

This rant seems pointless now that I'm finished... I don't even need to worry about this for a few more years (at least).

Currently When The Sun Goes Down Love You Like a Love Song see related

The "L" Word

A week from today is my six-month-iversary with Nebraska. I'm excited to have made it this far with him, and I see no end in sight!

I just wonder... is it weird that neither of us have uttered the "L" word yet?

This is not to say that I want him to. I'd be fine waiting until we got married, if that's in the cards. And that's not to say that I want to wait until then. I don't want parameters. I want it to be natural, not forced. I'm just curious as to how many people are six months in or longer and still haven't professed their feelings in that manner. 

From the beginning I decided that I was going to wait until he said it first. But now it's been such a (relatively) long time, I can't help but wonder... at first I thought maybe we were both waiting for the other to say it first. Then the other day we were watching LOST. Jack tells Kate that the reason he told her not to come back to get him is so she didn't get hurt. Then he tells her that he loves her. 

"No she doesn't!" boyfriend exclaims. "They've only been on the island three months! He doesn't even know her."
"How long does it take to know you love someone?" I asked (genuinely curious, considering my current thoughts)
"I don't know..." he said. And that was the end of that.

So then I began to think that the reason he hadn't said the "L" word yet was because he takes it just as seriously as I do. By society's definition, the one promoted in movies and music, I definitely love boyfriend. Selena Gomez's "Love You Like a Love Song" sums up my feelings pretty well. But when I consider telling him, I just can't bring myself to do it. Because I don't know if my feelings are consistent with my definition of love (the fact that I'm basing this on feelings makes me lean towards no). A great part of this is that I still don't have a clear definition of love. I just know that it has to be more than feelings alone. I usually sum it up as a balance between chemistry, compatibility, and commitment. But I don't think that encompasses everything that love is. Usually when I determine that I really, really love someone, it's just a random moment after I've known them for a while. I'll be thinking about a person a few years into the friendship, and suddenly be so overcome... I suppose with feelings. During these moments I just think to myself, "I love ___!" And that is that.

I wish that there were more words for love in English. People always talk about Greek, because there is more than one word for love. It would be nice if there was a word for the stage in which "like" doesn't convey enough, "love" is a bit too much, and "adore" doesn't feel quite right. That way I could properly express myself until we're ready to take that next step.

Currently Abbey Road Oh Darling see related

I miss boyfriend like nobody's business... NOBODY'S!!! D:

Currently Java 6 Illuminated: An Active Learning Approach (Jones and Barlett Illuminated) By Julie Anderson, Herve J. Franceschi see related

Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover

There are many reasons that I no longer label myself as a Christian. If you're interested you can ask me, although I'm sure I documented it somewhere already in an older post.

Lately I've been worrying somewhat about how to convey my choice (being as I am currently dating an atheist, which I will have to answer to my mother about). It could just be after-the-fact rationalization, but thanks to a few articles I've read lately I think I have the start of a decent argument to support my decision.

During my time as a psychology major I read many journal articles. I don't have a specific citation, but an article I read once classified religiosity as either intrinsically or extrinsically motivated. Basically this means that you're religious for religion's sake (because it makes you feel good about yourself, because you really believe in it, etc) or because of some outside forces (you're expected to be religious, you desire heaven/fear hell, etc). When I read this article I realized that I was extrinsically motivated. As far as I know (once again, this could be hindsight bias) I've felt like I wasn't capable of doing religion "right." I never felt God's presence. I didn't get prayer. God just didn't seem real. The reason I tried my darndest was to please my mother. I read the Bible, I prayed, I went to church. I abstained from swearing, drinking, sex (to the greatest extent that I could dating someone with a libido the size of Alaska), and as much of the secular world as possible. Unfortunately extrinsic motivation is not nearly as strong or effective as intrinsic motivation. I was set up for failure. (That's not to say that failure was inevitable. Motivations can change, but it's much harder to switch from extrinsic to intrinsic.)

So that's all well and good and partly explains how I got to where I am now, but it won't go over well with my mother. Motivation is a more abstract and logical territory, whereas religious beliefs (though still somewhat abstract) are a very emotional territory.

Then a couple of weeks ago I read this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/paul-wallace/honoring-we-are-atheism-campaign_b_1119614.html

Basically he says that atheists may miss the point of Christianity, but what they do pick up on is good for Christians. The things that atheists seem to dislike most are usually things that aren't actually characteristic of God, but rather an idol of God that we have created:

"I am convinced that atheists -- at least the ones I have read and the ones I know -- are working largely with conceptual idols when it comes to their rejection of God. They are not rejecting God; they are rejecting ideas. What is more, they are rejecting idols of Christians' making: a God who deals in rewards and punishments, a God who created the world in six days about 6,000 years ago, a God who shames their sexual desire and shuts down their intellect, imagination, and curiosity."

The part about a God who deals in rewards and punishments particularly stuck out to me because that was the spark that led me to where I am now. A friend of mine sent me this video a while back: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvPO23_aW3g
I found it interesting when they began to quiz the woman on her beliefs regarding God and hell. They tell her that they don't appreciate that God sends people to hell. She says that God doesn't send people to hell, and that they send themselves there. The men then lead her through a thought exercise,

"Did God create hell?"
"Yes."
"So then God is responsible for everyone that ends up there?"
"NO!"

It got me thinking… I think by this point I had already decided that I didn't care too much about heaven or hell. I only wanted to go to heaven if I wanted to be with God for the rest of eternity. But then I began to wonder if hell was just a human creation. (I was not ready to admit that God himself could possible be a human creation) I vowed to do an intensive Bible study to answer this question, but to temporarily quell my interest I looked up the term "hell" on BibleGateway.com Turns out the concept is mentioned once in the old testament and a ton in the new testament. This was somewhat convincing to me. It seems like God would be more consistent than that. But who knows? I can't say definitively.

But back to convincing my mom. After reading this article I thought, "Once you strip away all of the idols, what's left?" For instance, people often treat God like Santa, praying for Him to give them things or do them favors. I did it myself as a child whenever I lost something that's absence made my mother irate. But God is not Santa, and he's not a genie. So you have to strip that away. At that point, the only point of praying that I can think of is to ask for forgiveness and praise God. Both of these kind of deal with heaven/hell in my mind. You ask for forgiveness because you've sinned. Sinning is what condemns you to hell. So in a way, you're asking for penance in order to avoid a fiery doom. I suppose you could be doing it to also be holy in the eyes of God, but why are you doing that? Which leads me to, what's the point of praising God? Supposedly we were put on this Earth to glorify God. But the praise of robots meant nothing and so he gave us free will. All omniscience-paradoxes aside, I should be able to choose whether or not to actually praise God. But then if we don't accept Jesus as our savior and recognize God as the deity he is, we're condemned to hell? Seems a bit ridiculous to me! It's like throwing people in a pit and telling them they can choose to praise you or not, but if they don't you'll turn on some flamethrowers. Of course they're going to praise you if they actually believe you have flamethrowers! But to make it worse, God is omniscient! He can see the state of our hearts and he KNOWS if we really believe in him or not! I think that was the last straw for me. If, no matter how hard I try, I'm still going to go to hell if something in me never clicks, what is the point of trying?

But I wouldn't go on that rant with my mom unless I had to. I would just say, "I still need to read through the Bible again, but it seems like once you strip away the idols that man has made out of God, there's really not much left."

Another thing is, Nebraska is one of the greatest people I've ever met. (Note: I understand that we're all sinners in the sight of God, and so my judgement doesn't really matter in the eyes of a Christian) He's patient, kind, cheery. I mean, I think he fits Corinthians 13 pretty well…

(Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.) 

I think that he fits the description of a man after God's heart much better than any of the other guys I've dated! I just want my mom to meet him before she asks about his religion. Because his character is worth so much more than a label.

And if all that logic failed I guess I could bring up our increasingly secular family… but that probably isn't a smart idea, actually.